my why...

I found myself in a rut. I had such a disconnect from my work and the photography I once loved and craved became something I had no feelings for... like nothing. Numb was the only word I could use to describe how I was feeling.

What had gone so terribly wrong? How could I spend a lifetime with a camera in my hand and all of a sudden find myself with my "dream job" and have these feelings towards it? It took a lot of self discovery. It took isolation to hear inside my heart. It took confusion, tears, anger and basically giving up to figure out... I COULDN'T give up! It wasn't in me. There was this pull to continue doing what I loved so much I just had to find a new way to go about it. I had to shake myself free of the doubt, the rules, the expectations I had placed on myself to "play it safe". I had to let go of that "people pleasing" mentality and do for ME. It wasn't easy and it wasn't quick.

To be honest with you, it took almost two solid years to get it all out of my head and get right with my creative voice. I am not going to say it wasn't painful. But what came out of it...what came out of that muck was so much clarity. Not only for my photography work but for my heart.

The thing I discovered most about myself (although I did already know it, I just didn't know how to express it) was that I am super upbeat, fun, optimistic and an overall happy personality...but I am just a little "deeper" than most. I don't know how to even explain it. It is just who I have always been... I don't just hear the beat to a song, I feel the words...type deep. I see beyond the surface of people and truly feel their heart.

I am very aware that everyone has a "story" and not in a cliché kind of way...like a REAL story. Life isn't always pretty. It sure isn't always easy... and no matter what the story is, whether I even really know the details or not...I capture it.

I like to look at my photography as way to capture a FEELING and a MOMENT...it isn't about your hair or your makeup...it is about YOU and YOUR STORY.

Madness I tell ya....

 

I have had so many people ask for this class again.... here you have it. ONE night, TWO hours. One hour of challenging yourself creatively with how you market your business followed by one full hour of open question and answer time. Seats to this will go quickly. This class will be a light bulb moment for you and together we will start your new year off on the right foot. If you are not making the money you want or are working way too hard to make what you do... this class will change that.

Let me tell you a little about me, I am a momma to FOUR. and as much as I wanted to believe it would get easier the older they got, I am being proven VERY WRONG. Life has flown by and my babies are now teenagers...DID  YOU HEAR ME? TEENAGERS!!!! Which means many school nights playing some sort of ball, ball that I do NOT want to miss out on. I love what I do and I love the relationships I make with each client...but it will NEVER compare to the relationships I have in my own home.  So I had to stop working 4 nights a week and figure out how to make more so I could work less. I wasn't willing to compromise on the money, if I was going to sacrifice time away from my family I was going to be compensated for it no matter what...this is NOT a hobby for me, it is a JOB.

So I changed the way I marketed myself and to whom I was marketing and have made it where I can shoot four times a month...yes I only walk out of my house to shoot FOUR times a month (and then do 4 order sessions...so I am away from home at most eight evenings a month) and I make the money I want to contribute to my families income.

I will break down where I went wrong and how I had to change the way I thought to make this job work for ME and my family. It is not rocket science. I will not push you beyond realistic expectation, I will just show you there is an easier way of doing things and you will basically be prequalifying your potential clients so there is no more tears of disappointment after your order sessions.

who's with me?

email me at INFO@SPANKIMILLS.COM and reserve your seat for only $99!!

Come in your Pajamas, with a warm cup of tea or a nice glass of wine. it will be a relaxing evening cram packed full of crazy info to help you get this new year started off RIGHT!

The Theit Bag.

I was asked to share what is "in my bag" so here you are... This is my new Theit Bag. I love it! I don't carry much equipment with me, ok who am I kidding... I don't OWN a bunch of equipment. Remember that time I sold everything I owned on Facebook except my camera body and ONE lens and decided if I couldn't love my work with just the basics I needed to just quit...yah so here we are! I ended up creating a style and loving the simplicity of it and 5 years later I have only added three more lenses and that is it! 

Most of you know how simple I am and how that transfers into my shooting style as well. When I sold all of my equipment I sold my Canon 5D Mark II and all the L senses I had acquired and bought myself a Nikon D700 and the 50mm f/1.4 lens. I have added the Nikor 85mm f/1.4 and the Nikor 35mm f/1.4 and the Lensbaby Composer Pro Edge 80 optic to my stash and that is ALL! I will break it down for those of you who want to know why I have what I do... I shoot with the 50mm about 75% of the time mainly because it is what I am most comfortable with and I have grown used to being able to reach out and fix a fly away hair or fix a strap that is showing. I am what they call a "touchy feely photographer" and I like it. I have recently (within the past year and a half) started shooting with my 35mm a lot more, mainly with my lifestyle family session. Most of those sessions are in my clients home or on downtown streets and because of that I want to fit is as much of the surroundings as I can. I have the 85mm but I will be honest, I just don't shoot with it that much. I have tried and I feel like one day I will fall in love with it like the rest of you but because I love being all up in my clients face this lens makes it hard for me and I feel like I need to write a post card to my client when I am shooting with it. I won't part with it because I WILL give it another try.... I promise! and my Lensbaby, ooooh how I adore my Lensbaby. We all come to those cross roads where we start to question our own art and our heart for it. As you have read in the past, I came to that point where I just didn't love what I was creating anymore and I decided to let it all go, I added the LB to my arsenal and it has defiantly pulled me out of a creative rut and allowed me to shoot carefree and let go of the "expected" .  I also carry 3 Hoodman Steel 16GB cards with me (because I think they are the best and paired with the Hoodman card reader there is NOTHING faster). That is it y'all. That is "what's in my bag". Let me know what is in YOUR bag and if there is anything I MUST get! Any questions? ask away! :)

IMAGE CREDIT: Brylen Mills my 13 yr old son! ;)

blur.

 

That is what this past year has felt like for me. Not because it went by too fast and not because I had so much fun...but because I was lost. I was lost in who I was and what I was creating.  I was allowing those voices in my head telling me I am was not good enough to become louder and louder and eventually hold merit within me. I questioned my every being. I became paralyzed in my own doubt and fear.

Am I really an artist? Can I create work others will like? Is the work I am creating anything I even love anymore? If I can't love it why would anyone else? Am I even good enough?

The house is quiet... I look up at the clock, it's 2am...how did I get here? How has this become my life? Fighting back tears as I edit yet another gallery that I am not in love with. One I was almost ashamed to show my client. It hurt so bad to see the work I was "creating" and knowing...KNOWING somewhere within me there was more. But what if that more wasn't what anyone wanted to see. What if no one likes what I create? Since when did I became such the people pleaser? Sure I already had that people pleasing quality inside my personality but this was different. I was allowing that to paralyze me in fear. So afraid I was going to create something that wasn't understood or received by my clients, friends, and followers. So instead of creating freely... I froze. I have spent a year of my life doing something I hated. I loved my clients and by wanting to give them exactly what they wanted,  I quit giving myself what I NEEDED. There was a small part of me, maybe bigger than I really even knew, that felt guilty. Like I was a fake. I was offering my clients a product that I didn't believe in. A product that pained me to see once it came off my memory card and hurt even more so to have to look at and pick apart as I was forcing myself to edit and prepare a gallery I could "sell" to them. How can I sell something I was ashamed to show, something I didn't believe in?

I was once in love with what photography offered me. Not only was I helping contribute to my family but I was feeding something deep inside me. I was happy. Where did that go and how do I get back to that place? Am I just an "artist" and we all have to go through this? I am sure that is some of it, but no one ever told me it could get THIS serious.

I decided I was going to quit. Maybe I  just lost it, maybe what my mind was telling me was the truth...maybe I wasn't good enough.  I wasn't making myself happy, in turn was making my family miserable, and I felt I was cheating clients. Nothing was "good enough" anymore but I didn't know what to do to find where the "enough" was hiding. If you follow me on Facebook you'd notice how this past year I posted very little of my work. It consumed my daily thoughts. It seemed I couldn't break these chains that bound me by the words my mind was telling me.

One day I asked a friend to go on a shoot with me. This time was different thought... I wanted her to shoot...ME.  I wanted to express in images how I was feeling. How I was seeing the world through my own fog.  Through the blur.

When I got those images back I went through them... and wept. Not one image was in focus yet it was just so clear to me where I was and what I needed to do to get out of this haze. I needed to go and shoot EXACTLY how I was seeing the world at this very moment. For me. No one to give me approval and without the fear that I just may never get it. I needed to stop doing what was comfortable and allow myself to shoot off emotion alone.

I researched images I loved and related to at this very stage in my life. I put them on my screen and began writing down emotions I got from those images. I looked at the images in a way I had never look at anyones work before. I wasn't looking at the beautiful and perfect imagery, I was only pulling off the emotion of the image. I sat and studied those images for hours. I processed those emotions and when I shot for the very next time, I shot without paying attention to the final image... I shot for the final emotion.

I can say for the first time ever I can look at some of my work that is more than 48 hours old and STILL love it (I know you all know what I am talking about). I have come to the conclusion that I may not make everyone happy with my imagery, but those who do trust me to tell their story, will love it and appreciate it so much more because it is shows a tiny piece of their soul. We will not stay in a safe place,  we will step out of our comfort zone together.

FIVE things  I learned thought out the storms of this past year...

1. Voices in your mind can play really ugly tricks on your heart. Allow yourself to hear them though, if you repress them they will get louder and more nasty with time.

2. You are not perfect, sometimes you are not even good enough...that just means you are relatable and your clients will see a piece of themselves in you.

3. Allow yourself to be vulnerable. It isn't easy to see yourself in the blurry moments but through that your growth will come.

4. Becoming an artist that doesn't play "safe" will narrow down your reach to the masses, but it will strengthen your reach to those whom your work touches.

5. When your heart is telling you it is no longer being fed by what you do, allow yourself to hear its voice.

6 things I wish I had known when starting my photography business

Question: Spanki, I am just starting out and I admire your work and how you share with your fans your struggles and successes. I have a question for you, what would you have done differently looking back on how you started your business knowing now what you do?  So I am like many of you... we share a similar story. I approached my husband with the "what if". I mean I was the girl who always had a camera in hand from as far back as I could remember. I was not one to look at it as "art" but more as preserving a moment in time. I seriously brought my camera with me EVERYWHERE... yes even to the bars when I was in college!

At the time we had three kids and I was a stay at home mom itching to do more with myself. The longer we talked the more we realized photography seemed to be a weekends and evening kind of job which would interfere with my involvement with my own family.

Fast forward a few years and one more child later...

I had spent thousands attending one of the top Faux Finishing schools in America. I was trying to establish myself a career that worked around my families schedules. The we had to up and move to small tiny county town because my husband had found another real estate investment. I was blogging my everyday life through pictures when a few people in the town approached me to take their portraits... and so there it all started. If I was ready or not...which I WASN'T.

What I wish I had known:

1. You get one chance at a first impression. Just because you can create a Facebook page and buy a logo off ETSY doesn't mean you should. Why rush it. Take your time and LEARN what you are doing first. PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE and remember...less is more.

2. Do not expect it to come easy. The longer I am in this industry, the more I see people asking or complaining about how no one will tell them something. WHO OWES YOU? No one but YOURSELF. YOU research. YOU learn. YOU do. If you are taking this serious then expect no one to help you... you find it. Trial and error are your best friends. I have always said "you will never know the true meaning of HOT until you touch something that burns you" same thing goes for business. You will NEVER appreciate it or take it serious until YOU put your own blood sweat and tears into it. In the beginning I was fixated on learning, I'd sit at my computer for almost 8-10 hours a day just reading, researching, and soaking up every bit of information I could. I'd take notes, I'd cry, but I always came back for more.  Again...going back to #1, it takes TIME.

3. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS ARE DOING! I hear so many people worrying about why "so and so" is charging so little for her work or why "so and so" doesn't shoot as much as you...blah blah blah. THIS is a pet peeve of mine. WHO CARES what "so and so" is doing? What are YOU doing? I have a close photogrpaher friend who is single, lives on her parents property and charges about 1/3rd less than I do but is equally as good as me...what sense does it make for me to compare or worry about what she is doing or charging? I have four kids, I have to charge more for my time because my time away from them is valuable. I might have to pay a sitter and that is accounted in my session fee... My family agreement is I pay the house note among a few other things... so comparing what she charges to what I charge is not comparing apples to apples for me. And to waste time or to get angry about it is doing nothing but taking the focus off MY JOURNEY. and you know what... I don't succeed that way. She can shoot 5 nights a week if she wants, what is holding her back...I however do NOT want to be gone from my family that much. again APPLES and ORANGES... you do YOU. :)

4. Do not fixate on what's in "So & So Photography's" bag. Like you know, my husband does some real estate investing so it is feast or famine for us. When we sold a property I went out and bought everything that was in the professional photographer I looked up to's "bag" but that didn't make me a professional. I got so frustrated my images didn't look like theirs that one day I just sold it ALL. I literally kept my camera body and one lens (50 mm 1.4). I had decided if I can't create amazing and quality work with the bare necessities I had no business being IN business. It made me step out side my box and push myself. Six years later... I still just bring my one camera and 50mm on every session I shoot. :)

5. EDUCATE. I told myself I didn't have the money to learn. BIGGEST MISTAKE EVER. If you don't have money to learn then you don't have money to start a business. I invested money in business cards, a website, equipment, pretty camera bag... but "didn't have money to invest in learning". Hear me... I spent TWO YEARS doing everything WRONG! I lost more money in those two years that I could have paid for a handful of informative workshops/courses. But I was more worried about that red rimmed lens or that "professional looking camera bag"...for what? so I could carry it on a session for a client who didn't appreciate ME and my talent and in the end for them not to place the order I needed to continue to be in business...yes HUGE MISTAKE! Learn how to run a business, market a business, how to find the right clients and to sustain a profitable business. THAT is why you are doing this right?

**If you really truly have no money, that should NOT stop you from educating yourself! There are so many amazing sites that give information for FREE! Use it.

6. This is a BUSINESS. If this is your hobby, fine. BUT if you are telling yourself and your family you are doing this as a BUSINESS...then RUN YOUR BUSINESS. The one thing I discover most when I am working with one on one mentorings is that in the end, they are loosing money to have a business. If you are walking out of your door or shutting yourself in your home office (closet, bedroom, wherever you can find a quiet place) and you are taking time away from your family... YOU CHARGE FOR THAT TIME! If you do not feel like you are "good enough to charge for that time yet" then lets re-read #1... do NOT call yourself a business until you are GOOD ENOUGH. Yes you can build a portfolio, yes you need to practice on any friends or family that will let you, but if you are giving them any images you need to charge for that TIME. If I am away from my family, if I am paying a sitter or missing a baseball game...I WILL need money to make up for that time away. PERIOD. You owe it to your family.

We are all on a journey. We ALL have a different desired outcome. What I want for my business isn't what you might want for yours...we have to row our own boats and support each other along the way. There is no "competition" because NO ONE is on my exact journey. So support one another. Encourage one another and cheer each other on. YOU CAN DO THIS!

*what can you add... what have you learned the hard way that you'd have told the starting out you?

Much love.

Imperfectly perfect | PRINT your memories

The room went quiet as if time stopped. They were words I never expected to hear. Disease. No cure. Amputation. This can't be happening. Not to me. This is stuff you hear other families experience, NOT mine. He is a normal two year old. He looks just like his twin brother. How will this effect him? How will he get to be a BOY without a leg? This is NOT what is happening.

After I picked myself up from the floor. Weeping and holding my baby as tight as I could, I did what any desperate mother would do...I called to set an appointment with a different doctor to get a second opinion... and then...

I called a PHOTOGRAPHER.

I desperately needed to document our lives before our new "normal" set in, the one I couldn't truly grasp could become MY reality. Bare feet and shorts. I needed a photographer to capture my three boys, each with a set of HEALTHY legs. One day he might not remember he was in fact seemingly perfect on the outside. That his leg was made of flesh and not plastic. That he could wear shoes and socks and have stinky feet just like his brothers. I needed that to be something he could hold onto when the days ahead got to hard. I needed that to be something I could hang onto when the days ahead were too much to bare.

Grace be to God that the diagnosis was indeed CORRECT, however we were lead to a doctor that was persistent in trying an experimental surgery and my son not only HAS HIS LEG but is healthy and in normal activities. He is also in medical record books for being the FIRST kid EVER to keep his leg with this particular disease!

*Image taken in 2007. Canon 20D and iPhoto edit. But it hangs LARGLY in my home and in my heart.

*Image taken in 2007. My most perfectly IMPERFECT favorite image EVER. shoes are on the wrong feet. The fat baby hands... the dimples and snaggle tooth grins... as years passed, THIS has became nothing more than a fading memory. One no matter how imperfect the image, will last with me a lifetime because I have this image.

A few years later...

It was 1am. The phone rang... oddly I knew what awaited me once I picked up. "He just took his last breath". Gone. Cancer won the battle and took my father away from those who loved him.

I slowly slipped out of bed not to wake anyone... walked into my office, turned on the light and dug through the photographs I had. I sat on the floor and as I flipped through the images I paid extra attention to details I had never really noticed before. His hands, that smile. It was almost like I could hear his voice. I sat there and wept over those images for the next few hours. The reality has become that these photographs and my memories were all I had left of my dad.

A few years ago I had a client. A lovely woman. Dressed to a T in her red soled shoes and always carrying her purse adorned with the designers initials. Her images were beautiful and she did loved them, but she just didn't invest in them. Sure her order was fine. It was on the average side of my client orders at the time. But oddly this angered me. It angered me knowing that she cared enough to invest into her shoes and handbags more than the precious images of her family, the life she LIVED. If not for her...for her children. One day, when her kids get that dreaded phone call, they will not get up at 1am to weep over her hand bags. Her grandkids will not sit holding her shoes and tell of the memories they had. No, they will pull out the images they had of her LIFE. The life she lived and recall the fun times and possibly the sad but all over PHOTOGRAPHS.

*image taken in 2006 and iPhoto edit. Early morning. Yesterdays makeup. Me in my pajamas and Paysli in a diaper and shirt. Held the camera myself and snapped hoping for the best... and I GOT it!

Yes photography is about ART. But more than anything photographs are about the he.ART of your loved ones. Photography is about capturing the moments in your LIFE that are inevitably going to change over the years. Get your family photographed and PRINT THEM... you never know who will get the most memories out of them. Hang them on your wall. Display the love you have with your family and friends. They do not need to be perfect...just perfect to YOU.

*Image taken 2011. Dirty jeans. Untied shoes. It is perfect to ME.

testimonial from Rosie

Meet my sweet friend Rosie with Reflections by Rosie...she was kind enough to share her story of struggle, strength and perseverance. It's funny how much life has changed in a matter of two years. Seriously.

I remember tripping across Spanki's Facebook page for the first time.  At that time, I was a brand-new photographer.  I had been running my business for a little over a year, and had recently had my fourth child.  Things were going…well…okay with my business.  I had made a profit, but BARELY.   Definitely not enough of one to justify calling Reflections by Rosie a full-on, full-time, BUSINESS.

At that time, too, I had just wrapped on my second year of shooting high school senior portraits.  I was busy, but yearning for more advice on posing.  On locations.  On...well...everything!  I was fumbling through the dark.

I basically needed someone who was successful in senior portrait photography, and whose work I loved and connected with, to talk to.

In a bad way. :)

Then I found Spanki Mill's Photography page.

Spanki and I had a few things in common:  we are both photographers who are moms of four kids.  We are both strong in our faith convictions.  We are also busybodies, but in a GOOD way: we both like to keep our creative minds active.

We also had a few things that were different: she was rocketing to success in high school senior portrait photography.  She was also earning much higher numbers in sales than I was, and we were both in similar markets.

I needed her to teach me HOW THE HECK SHE DOES IT!  How did (and does) she market to this elusive group of high school seniors?  How does she talk to them in posing them that results in such natural-looking images?  How does she keep her business relevant and active in her community?

So, I e-mailed Spanki and signed up for my first "A Day With Spanki" workshop (one-on-one).

I remember my mind being blown, on multiple occasions, during my first workshop with Spanki.  She had such simple, but effective, ways to suggest marketing to me in ways that I had not even considered.   Being so new into the business, I was only thinking about the "traditional" ways to market.  I was forced to think about billboards (which I couldn't afford!) as opposed to looking at the businesses that are UNDER the billboards.   She also helped me to understand that I needed to focus my efforts on marketing to a specific KIND of high school senior, as opposed to EVERY kind of high school senior.

The posing part of the first workshop was wonderful; but honestly, I walked away with much more of a savvy business sense than I had anticipated prior to our first workshop.

After that workshop, I really dug in and focused on what Spanki had taught me.  I wanted to find local businesses that was consistent with what I wanted as a brand.  For my business, I wanted more a "fashion" feel to my images.

For a few months (no one said that it was going to be quick!), I contemplated, studied and applied what I had learned with Spanki for the first workshop.    I worked on making my images better and more consistent with what my "target" senior would want in their images.  I had also signed up for a Critique session with Angela Richardson from AMR Photography with the Chic Critique Forum so that I would have another photographer whose work I admired's opinions on my images.

Then, Ella Zane Boutique opened.   I was totally, and completely hooked!  The boutique was perfect- very modern looking clothes with a classic feel.  The inside of the store felt very much like something you would see in Los Angeles (where I lived prior to moving to the Houston area).  Clean lines, amazing clothes, sweet staff….I was in LOVE!

I remember the day that I met the store's owner, Jessica.  I also remember how flabbergasted I was when she asked me to photograph her whole line!

Score!!

The rest of the year was a total whirlwind.  Seniors started booking me at a much higher rate than before.   I had increased my rates; and I was making money; but I was starting to teeter on the edge of burnout.  I remember feeling both happy that I was seeing success, and sad that I wasn't spending the time with my family that I had wanted to anymore.

In other words, I was starting to become a victim of my own success.

Fast-forward to this past November: Spanki wanted to hold a workshop in Galveston.    When she asked me to be her hostess, I was flattered and excited, as a refresher course was something that I needed (full disclosure: I had also taken a course from Alicia Caine of Profit First Photography that was helping to re-establish equilibrium in my business and personal life).  Helping Spanki plan the workshop was a lot of fun, and the fact that Spanki was local to me probably made it easier, too.

I was excited to meet the 9 other photographers who had signed up for Spanki's A Day With Spanki.   Most of us were local to the Houston area; however, there were a few women who had commuted in from Austin.

The house- oh my gosh- was incredible.   The waves crashed right up alongside the house.   The interior decor was simple and modern…it had a California meets the Mediterranean feel to it with a little bit of a Swiss flair.    The living room where Spanki ran her class was perfect for the workshop- it was open, inviting (just like Spanki!).

The other photographers, though, were what really made this workshop special.   Being a one-on-one alum, I had missed out on the sisterhood that is A Day With Spanki workshop.  Each of these women brought something unique and special to the table.  Each had a story to share, and each had a unique perspective on photography, posing, and life in general.  Over the course of the weekend, we discussed SO MANY things that I will take back and use going into the future.   I was able to hear about Spanki's, and the other photographers, successes (and sometimes failures!).   The whole experience was both insightful, business-wise, and cathartic, personally-speaking.

Long story short, I came out of my second A Day With Spanki Workshop with both professional insight that I may not have grasped the first 'go round, but also with personal insight and friendships that will carry me through for many more years.  I also had a chance to really get to know Spanki again, and we learned that our lives continue to intersect in some amazing ways.  It was refreshing to level with Spanki on the business in a way that I was not ready, or capable, of relating to her on for my first one-on-one, and I walked away with a whole new set of ideas that I will take forward with me.  I was grateful that I had this experience- again- and I was appreciative of all that Spanki continues to teach me about photography, business, and as a friend in real-life.

In this crazy, chaotic and sometimes isolating business we call photography, it is wonderful to have friends who can truly relate with you on both a personal and business level.   I've learned that success isn't measured in just dollars and cents, but also how rich your heart feels at the end of the day.

success. what is it.

 

"What exactly is success and when do we know we have become successful"? It is a question I often start with at my workshops. What is success? Isn't is something we ALL strive for? The ultimate "I AM SUCCESSFUL" means I have "made it". Right?

But. What does that REALLY mean?  What are you chasing?

When I first started my journey with photography I followed a few photographers blogs. Photographers that I admired, looked up to, and dreamed to one day become as "successful" them. As I started booking clients and really working as a photographer myself, all of a sudden I noticed my focus changing. Yes, I was still following those photographers, but now I spent more time focused on how many times they were posting, how many new clients they were blogging. I looked at each blog post as a "client booked" and heaven forbid they would post an old image or a silly recipe instead of a full session, one I had never seen before, I would immediately begin to think...and in some twisted world of thinking, I hoped it meant they weren't as "booked" as I once assumed they were. Oddly enough, and at the time I am not sure I even knew I was doing it, but I think by hanging to every move they made...or every move they DIDN'T make, it made me feel like they were slipping, and the more they seemed to slip the more I validated myself with how "successful" I was becoming.

Months went on and my calendar became more and more full. Upwards to 8-10 session a WEEK (this all seems so silly now, but follow me). I no longer had time to follow those blogs but that was okay because my blog had a constant flow of new sessions being posted. One on the outside looking in (or following my blog) would think I had "made it", but I was sinking. I was so busy I was never home, my husband was cooking dinners, taking my children to their baseball games and tucking them in at night. I was gone and if I was home I was so in up to my eyeballs in computer work that I might as well had been gone. I was missing out one everything, I was miserable.

It got to the point where I couldn't keep up with much of anything. Not my house work, not my family...not my blog. What? I couldn't keep up with posting to my blog? Humm I wonder if anyone "following me" started to assume I wasn't booked? I wasn't "succeeding" at my job? Well I was. ..in the terms of "busy means successful". But not to me. Not to my family. THIS was NOT SUCCESS.

That is when I stepped back and asked myself...okay well that is when my husband took me by the hand and sternly asked "what I was doing". Is this REALLY what I want. Is this REALLY what success is? And success to who? Who is determining what MY SUCCESS is? How many blog post I had? How many sessions I had marked on my calendar? WHO was I trying to prove my "success" to? And at what cost was I doing it?

Finally I sat down and decided I was going to take control of my business. I was going to determine what SUCCESS was for ME. By doing what was right for ME and MY family... but I had to ask myself what was I working for? Have you asked yourself that?

What are YOU working for?

For some of us we are trying to supplement income so we can eventually go from working a full time desk job to become a full time photographer and a full calendar of bookings is what you want. For others, we are just working to pay for our family fun time, vacays, school clothes, etc so one or two sessions a month will do. Whatever it is you are working for, YOU determine YOUR OWN SUCCESS. Don't worry about what others are doing, YOU do not know WHY they are doing it so to compare it only cheating yourself.

So. GO. DO. Work for YOU and YOUR family. Determine your SUCCESS!!!

behind the scenes

I posted my BTS iPhone image to my FB page and got over 600 likes in a few hours with TONS of you asking to see the finished product and many asking about my camera settings.... sooooo, I am thinking about including a tiny "Behind the Scenes" from each Spanki Mills Photography session. You tell me if you think this will help you and if so what kind of things would you like to see BTS on. Hope this helps those of you who asked!

a few of my favorite things

I am often asked questions that have absolutely nothing to do with photography... such as what makeup I use or where I buy my clothes or accessories, etc. So I have decided to start doing a "favorite things" post for the 3 of you that even care what I love! haha I have always been the type to obsess over fun finds. Like I should get paid to promote things I love because I yell it to the world and think everyone should be as excited as me about whatever it is! So for those of you who follow me on Instagram (and if you don't you should) ;)  you have heard me raving about BB cream and then the makeup market decided to one up BB and come out with a CC cream...so naturally I HAD to get that too! Today I will tell you about it.

Basically BB cream is a primer, foundation and sun screen in one. and well CC cream is all that and a bag of chips... no really it is a the primer, foundation, sunscreen AND a dark spot corrector, apparently is evens out your skin tone AND works on healing it too. yay for youthful skin!

As I have graduated into the "middle aged" bracket (vomit) I have realized that my tinted moisturizer just isn't cutting it anymore and I need to really up my makeup game. So like any women needing makeup tips and how-tos...I turned to YouTube and got my cosmetology license! ;) Kidding. I know cosmetology school is not easy and takes a ton of dedication, but I will say I now feel like I am a legit makeup artist! ;) So the first thing I learned, it DOES matter how you apply your makeup. I have always used a sponge (you know, one of those white round ones that come in a packet of 6) but I have always noticed how much of my foundation was left on the sponge... was it even getting on my face? According to YouTube, the better way to apply is with a brush...who knew?

1. My brushes. I love MAC brushes, but was introduced to Sigma brushes and have fallen in love...with the quality and price tag too! ;)

2. So when starting out with the BB cream, the Garnier cream was my favorite (although it was extra dewy and left my face a little sticky) But I'd mix it half and half with a foundation (or my CC cream to get the color I liked and to cut down on the dewy-ness).

3. I put a pea sized drop on my hand and blended it there. (here I have Garnier BB cream mixed with Makeup Forever foundation)

4. This is the F80 flat Kabuki Sigma brush ($18.00) apply is swirls and you have flawless skin.... some say this is better than airbrushing! wow

5. Then I use the Eye Roller by Garnier to conceal under my eyes...and those STUPID dark spots I have just gotten...at first I thought they were sun spots but I now think they are hormonally related... none the less, I do have an appt with a dermatologist AND esthetician!! those babies need to GO!

6. I have also learned how important it is to highlight and contour your face... um again WHO KNEW! (different post will show the difference it makes)

7. My new favorite eye shadows... Urban Decay Naked Pallets... I have the original and Naked 2. and love them BOTH.

8. Again, BRUSHES make such a HUGE difference!!!

9. here is my BEFORE face (I seriously can NOT believe I am posting this... my dark spots make me want to run and hide) but for you guys I did it.

10. and the AFTER face. That is a pretty good difference the BB/CC cream made!!!

So what is next? you name it!!

any questions... I am very aware I am NO professional, just a momma trying to stay young looking as long as I can and from the looks of my makeup post on IG many of you are as lost as I am so if I can help I am HAPPY!

staying on TASK

There is NO WAY I can get through a day...well I should say PRODUCTIVE day, without my TIMER (these are from Anthropologie). I like to call this little guy my "task timer" because...well, he keeps me on task! I start each Monday with a blank page. I make two list... "this week" and a "today".

I have come to realize I need to treat myself like a first grader if I truly want to get anything accomplished. When I start making list of things I need "to do" I seem to add completely random things, it is almost like my "to do" list turns into my "to dream" list. I get completely overwhelmed and then get little of it done. So I have decided to keep it SIMPLE.

I am like a dog that needs a reward for completing the most simple of tasks. My reward comes in the form of a simple line . I have this strange obsession with CROSSING THINGS OFF MY LIST. I have been known to...and don't lie... you do too... write something on my list that I did that wasn't even on there just so I can CROSS IT OFF. So I start my day off with a list, and I give myself a time limit to get it done. Editing for example, I know that my poor little brain can only edit in about 30 minute intervals. Emails I allow about 15 minutes at a time for. SO. What I do it set my timer and get after my task. Once it goes off, I cross through that task on my list and maybe add to the list something like "finish editing so and so gallery" Yes, I added to my list, BUT I see the fruits of my labor with that simple yet so rewarding CROSS THROUGH. Then I allow myself to get up and walk away. I will call a girlfriend, put a load of laundry into washer, maybe take a shower...ha nothing extravagant, but hey who said my life was glamorous?

I will come back refreshed and ready to be focused again on the next item on my list. I know you are all thinking it... so lets address it... I hear you saying "where is your facebook time girl" I know, I know... I have it and I have it without guilt. What I do (and somedays better than others) my facebook time is when I am drinking my coffee, or when I eat a snack or lunch, THAT is my free time. But once the food/drink is gone, it is back to work for me. It is like dieting. I do not deprive myself of the JUNK, but I try my best to do it in moderation.

I know it sounds simple, and some of you are now thinking I have the mentality of a twelve year old... all I can say to that is "I am rubber and you are glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and..... :P)

I also get asked quiet often what are the papers on my desk... well, they are what I like to call my looove notes (could you tell I said that in my best Barry White voice?) They are sweet letters from my fans/friends and little pictures of places I have been that make me happy. I like to surround myself with as much HAPPY as I can. I work best when I am happy. My office is my happy place.

**DISCLAIMER: I have a TON of these timers because I give them as gifts.... I do not recommend setting them all at once...tried it... all it seems to do is make the wine go down faster!**

Design Aglow | Marketing and PR Guide

You all know my love and passion for Marketing whether it is in person marketing or social networking I LOVE IT. Design Aglow just made all my dreams come true! They created a PR & Marketing Guide and Calendar for a years worth of marketing "do's" There is advise from some of my fiends in the industry! This is a great great tool to make your business in 2013 be AMAZING!!! Oh did I mention I have a tiny little something to say in here too? Go get your copy and join me and lets ROCK our marketing together!!!

To check out more about this guide visit the Design Aglow Shop ! Here is what they have to say about it: Do marketing, social (and live!) networking, communications and public relations leave your head spinning? Do you have 1,001 ideas for the New Year but have no idea where to begin? Do you start, but never finish, projects? The Marketing and PR Calendar is a 41 page guide that has the answers to these questions that will help you plan, organize and act in a way that will ensure success in the upcoming year. This start to finish primer is another exceptional business product that will educate you on marketing and social media, provide you with worksheets so you can apply concepts immediately to your own business, and includes a Calendar to keep it all on track (and give you daily ideas and inspiration for those days when the well is dry!). If that's not enough, read up on how industry leaders manage their marketing and social media campaigns using everything from traditional marketing and PR campaigns to quick and easy social media hits! Think of this as a quick and easy version of "Marketing, PR and Social Media 101."