nothing

I have so much to say… and yet whole lot of nothing at the same time. I am in a weird place in this journey we call life. I am excited for the potential the future holds, sick over regrets from the past and numb to the right now. As I approach an upcoming birthday, a big one… I feel the pressures of the “why’s, what if’s, what should have been’s”. Is this the life I truly set out to live, if it isn’t and lets face it, it’s not… then what can I change to live the life I seek.

But what is that life? How is it you know you want more but if asked to pin point what that “more” is… you can’t put words to it. Maybe it is my personality type (I have been doing a lot of research on that because at almost 40 I decided now is the time to discover who I am because knowing this vital information wouldn’t have at all been useful in my 20s or 30s *eye roll*), maybe it is because my kids are at an age where I am realizing they aren’t the definition of who I am anymore. Hell I don’t know what it is and to sit here a guess would just keep my mind fogged…

Truth is, I am yearning for more. More what, I am not sure yet. But what I do know is not one more day should pass me by without my actively working towards discovering that “more”. I am not saying I am unhappy or that I am not in love with the life I have, those are all very far from the truths. There is just something…missing. Changes that need to happen…

I am not sure what that truly looks like…or feels like….but I invite you to become a part of this journey with me. I can’t say what the future holds. But what I do know, I will be real. I will be raw. I will be honest. I will share with you my day to day…the good and the bad. The pretty and the not so pretty of life. I will become exposed. It is a shift I am not comfortable with. If you followed me for any time on my Instagram you know for a while I was very open and very raw, I caught some slack from that from a few people who weren’t comfortable reading and seeing truths so I repressed. Something I have been doing more often than not lately, repressing…to make others feel more comfortable in their fake and social media worlds… but that is not me. Somehow along the way it seems I have gotten comfortable in my repressed world. I feel like I am busing at the seems to scream my TRUTHS… so join me as I navigate through this brain, heart and soul of mine in a quest for self discovery.

  • Candy - I’ve only in the past year been more actively following people on IG so I missed the raw, but as a girl who just hit that big 4-0 milestone on Wednesday, I say bring. It. On. I have been feeling/facing your same truth and while I continually hear all the positives around me, my soul is twirling about. I’m here for it- cheers to next 10 years!!!ReplyCancel

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